Post by Amtram on Mar 11, 2014 19:54:48 GMT -5
The story about Rachel Canning suing her parents for support after she left home has been news here in NJ for a bit before it all went viral on the internet. Believe me, you want to hear opinions about it, people from New Jersey are never reluctant to give it. I think I probably blame her parents less than a lot of people do, but somewhere in the back of my mind there was a little voice that was thinking about it every time she was referred to as a "spoiled brat."
The Daily Beast published an article that made me roll the idea around a little more, and before I even got to the "aha!" moment, I knew I was on to it:
There you go. Our parents were not responsible for the things we do as a result of our ADHD, beyond how well they learn to deal with it. It could very well be that these parents did the best they could, but Rachel became who she became because of the way she is and how she incorporated her experiences. It's hard to say how much her parents' wealth and social position affected their decisions or her behavior, but I somehow doubt that it's the sole factor behind her rebellion.
I'm wondering how much of this lack of rage at the parents might stem from being the type of child who couldn't be "molded", and how much of it comes from watching so many kids grow up in barely predictable ways. Can we learn something from this? Can we use this to teach others?
The Daily Beast published an article that made me roll the idea around a little more, and before I even got to the "aha!" moment, I knew I was on to it:
Asked if this is the ultimate parental nightmare come to life, the idea that you can spend years trying to raise a child with what you consider the right values and they don’t turn out well, Taylor had this to say: “It’s beyond a nightmare. It’s a reality for many parents. I deal everyday with good people, good parents who have kids who may psychologically have some impulse control disorder or ADHD or have none of the above and are choosing to act out. There are millions of parents who deal with it everyday. There are parents everyday who struggle with parenting and disciplining and trying to instill in their children some sense of right from wrong and doing the right thing.”
There you go. Our parents were not responsible for the things we do as a result of our ADHD, beyond how well they learn to deal with it. It could very well be that these parents did the best they could, but Rachel became who she became because of the way she is and how she incorporated her experiences. It's hard to say how much her parents' wealth and social position affected their decisions or her behavior, but I somehow doubt that it's the sole factor behind her rebellion.
I'm wondering how much of this lack of rage at the parents might stem from being the type of child who couldn't be "molded", and how much of it comes from watching so many kids grow up in barely predictable ways. Can we learn something from this? Can we use this to teach others?